It doesn’t get much better than knowing you’ve been true to yourself!
Firstly, let’s look at what is not the real you…
I’ll give you an example of a personal experience of growing up as a people pleaser.
I remember growing up in a household where I felt that I had to get things ‘right’. I was so afraid of stuffing things up and getting it ‘wrong’. As a result, I turned into a people pleaser. I was a ‘nice’ girl. You get more love that way, right? I thought if I do stuff that everyone wants me to do, I’d get my needs met and I wouldn’t get rejected.
By the time I was in my 20’s, I had no idea who I was. I felt lost and I hated myself. I looked to other people to ‘fill my own cup’ so I could feel loved and accepted.
You know you’re not being real when you:
- Feel resentful and angry about what you’re doing
- Are dependent on others to make you feel happy and loved all the time
- Feel it’s your responsibility to make others happy
- You’ve said ‘yes’ when you really meant to say ‘no’
- Have lots of friends, although these people don’t feel like ‘real’ friends
- You do things for people so you can be recognised
- You feel a contraction in your gut because you know your being dishonest with yourself
Stay in tune with these pointers, they’re a sure sign that you are not in your integrity. When you deny these signs, the resentment and anger can become unbearable.
Slowly over the years, I have learnt to be my real self, even at the risk of rejection.
You know your being the real you when…
- You live your life on your terms
- You speak your truth
- You feel happy, carefree and not resentful and angry
- You say ‘no’ more often
- You feel that people are responsible for themselves
- You feel you’re becoming your own best friend
- You don’t have as many friends, although the friends you do have love you for who you really are
There is often an adjustment period when you’re in the process of being the real you. You are undoing the old habits and conditioning. When your undoing a lot of old patterns, it can be confronting and uncomfortable. Habits don’t let go easily. It often takes time.
When you start to be real, other people may not like it. There could be a risk of your close friends and family judging and dis-connecting from you. I encourage you to trust yourself, keep going with what truly inspires you.
It’s ok, your finding the Real You!
When I packed up and went on a solo traveling trip, I stepped outside of my comfort zone. Some people thought I was nuts. They said: you must have job security, it’s not safe on your own, what about your daughter? People new me to be a certain way and to act out a certain role. When I stepped outside of this role, some people freaked out. I felt judged for a very long time.
The following steps may help you in the adjustment period to finding your Real Self…
- Be prepared to step outside of your comfort zone
- Start slowly with small changes: Do something that you’ve always longed to do
- Try not to let fear dictate what you can and can’t do
- Start saying ‘no’ and learn to accept that feeling uncomfortable with saying ‘no’ is part of the adjustment period
- Cultivate an attitude of mindfulness (see video below)
- Be very kind, compassionate and gentle with all the changes that are happening for you
Learn to be Assertive and find your Voice: Sing!
Singing can help you to open your throat, speak your truth and to be assertive. Singing is also fantastic to open your heart centre so you can bring more compassion, love and understanding into your life. Join a choir or go to a chanting circle. Singing together as a group can be life changing! If you don’t feel to join a group, one-to-one vocal coaching for assertiveness is amazing!
Start slowly and try this sound meditation to find your voice. It can bring assertiveness and compassion into your life and reduce anger and resentment. I encourage you to use this exercise everyday for an extended period of time.
With love,
Jaya
