Our triggers can show us our beliefs & old stories. An opportunity to see what has been unconscious that needs attention, healing, love and compassion.
The usual tendency is to blame the other person for making you feel bad. You give away your power when you do this. And you drive the story underground into your unconscious again. When the story is conscious, you have an opportunity to heal from what has been keeping you stuck.
My recent big trigger was in a community group setting with someone that I didn’t know very well. I gave her permission to give me some ‘constructive feedback’ about a mistake I had made.
It felt like more than feedback, I felt criticized. What she said ‘cut me to the bone’ I felt like I had stuffed up, I’d done something wrong, I felt unworthy, self-doubt, not good enough, rejected and unlovable. Oh, the pain, a deep sense of grief and sadness. It bought up so much personal stuff, all the way back from childhood.
I sucked it up. I felt angry, powerless and depressed. I felt anxious about having contact with this person again. Upon reflection, I considered why I felt so powerless and unable to respond. I was afraid of being kicked out of the group. I’d made the role in this group, part of my identity.
Your triggers will usually show you what you are attached to and what you identify with.
I also reflected on where all these feelings came from. This person was actually not the cause for my upset. She triggered an old story that I’d held about myself that was already in me. She highlighted in me what healing I needed to do and the beliefs I still needed to work on. The story that’s been sabotaging me all my life – “I’m not good enough and I need to prove to others my self-worth.”
I said this earlier in the article, although its worth repeating – The usual tendency is to blame the other person for making you feel bad. You give away your power when you do this. And you drive the story underground into your unconscious again. When the story is conscious, you have an opportunity to heal from these old stories that have been keeping you stuck.
This is where the horizontal plane meets the vertical plane – that point where it crosses over is transcendence.
There is a big opportunity here. The deep call is to self-inquire and move towards the pain you are feeling. Bring the emotions that come from your belief into your awareness. Be like a friendly scientist and inquire, be curious and make the emotions conscious. For me, the root emotions were deep grief and sadness.
The triggers and emotions can feel like crap, although it is so important that you hold yourself with the deepest of love, compassion and understanding. Deep, deep healing is taking place. Healing is often painful, although necessary if you are to rise above the old stories. It often takes time as a new way of interpreting your pain can take a while. I invite you to get some support from a trusted friend or spiritual coach.
For a lot of us, there is a deep call to awaken. You don’t need to sit in a cave. It is the everyday relationship stuff that you transcend from that will help you to wake up. This is a form of spiritual practice!
It doesn’t mean that you need to stay in a relationship that is destructive to learn your lessons. It means that you move towards (inquire, be curious), not away from your emotions that come from your triggers.
You may get to a point when you thank the people who trigger you the most. The people that press our buttons can be our greatest teachers!
I invite you to Listen to this Mindfulness Meditation for Healing Old Beliefs
Remember there is a big opportunity here. The deep call is to self-inquire and move towards the pain you are feeling. Bring the emotions that come from your belief into your awareness. Be like a friendly scientist and inquire, be curious and make the emotions conscious. With the awareness of understanding, love and compassion, the old beliefs will transcend and heal.
With all my love on your sacred journey home to yourSelf,
Jaya
