Blog

How to Forgive – The Blessing Technique

Do you experience irritations, anger and resentment towards certain people? – I do.  I also hold grudges and get offended by other people’s behaviour.  I think we all get grumpy, angry and resentful at times in our life.

When you really think about it, with nearly everyone you know, you have felt some sort of gripe or irritation. This can be out right hate and rage to a little niggle of annoyance.

What if these grudges and resentments towards others were preventing us to really experience the love and happiness that we are all searching for?

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) suggests that “forgiveness is the key to happiness”. Forgiveness remembers only the loving memories towards ourselves and others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you don’t do any inner work. For example, if you feel compelled to see a therapist with your beloved, go and do it.

Louise Hay states “what your focus on expands in life” Often when you are totally focused on what the other has done wrong to you, you can experience an endless feedback loop of more of the same. Often when you change your focus, the other person changes too or they leave your life.

There is a theory that people who press our buttons are our greatest teachers. They can in-directly show us our unconscious beliefs and patterns that need letting go so we can learn and grow.

My first experiment with The Blessing Technique was in 1994 with my daughter’s father. We had just separated, and things were very intense. We always argued because I thought he was irresponsible with money and I wanted more support with our daughter. My focus was on feeling unsupported and resentful.

I had started reading A Course in Miracles and other books on self-help and metaphysics. I was open to giving anything a go to change the situation with my ex. It was suggested by a friend of mine to try the Blessing Technique.

I practiced the Blessing Technique and in a very short period of time. My ex changed (and so did I). It was a miracle! He became more respectful and helpful. He stopped asking me for money. I also recognised that I needed to change too. I felt worthy enough to say ‘no’ when I needed to and to set loving boundaries.

If your feeling stuck in a feedback loop of gripes and resentment towards someone you love or any other person, try the following:

Part 1: Identify the Beliefs and Turn them Around:

• Find a comfortable and quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for around 15 minutes
• Consider one person that you feel a grudge against or outright anger
• Get a pen and paper
• Draw a line down the centre of the paper
• On the left side of the paper, write down all the things that you feel this person is doing ‘wrong’ to you (eg: see the table below)
• On the right side of the paper, write down the turnaround – what you feel they are doing wrong, turn it around to its opposite (eg: see the table below)

Here is an example of my gripes and the turnarounds about my ex

 Part 2: The Blessing Technique:

• Get a 2^nd sheet of paper
• Write all the turn arounds with the prefix I love you, I thank you, I bless you … (see my example below)

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert because you keep your promises

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert for your honesty

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert because you speak to me with respect

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert for you are responsible with money

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert because you help me care for Sarah

I love you, I thank you, I bless you Robert because you are financially supportive

I love you, I thank you, I bless you because you are a good father

Part 3: Live the Experience:

Now for this exercise to really work, you need to feel and experience the Blessing Technique and embody the words.

• Take the time now to imagine who you would really be without believing those negative things about this person?
• How would you feel without these negative beliefs?
• Would your sleep improve? would you feel less stressed? Would you feel happier? would you feel liberated and free?
• Really feel the experience of being free of these beliefs about this person
• Start to consider that the negative beliefs about this person may not be true

Set a time everyday for 40 days to practice the Blessing Technique:

• For the blessing technique to really work, you need to re-train your old negative thinking patterns about this person.
• Everyday for 40 days, set the time aside to practice part 2 and 3 of this exercise
• Part 2 – The Blessing Technique
• Part 3 – Live the Experience

With love and blessings!

Please share your comments