We’re often attracted to the ones that will later drive us crazy.
We’ve all experienced challenging relationships. Especially those that are closest to us such as an intimate partner, parent, child or sibling. Special relationships are the Royal Road. 
Why is it that the ones we love so much are difficult and painful to get on with?
I’ll discuss some of my personal experience of intimate relationships. I used to expect my partner to love me, understand me, meet my needs and go along with what I say. A relationship made in heaven, right? This was my dream of the perfect partner. And God, don’t disturb my dream!
Deep healing relationships are ‘no walk in the park’ they disturb our dream or illusion of reality. My marriage ended and I’m no expert on relationships, although I do know that the ones that really get to us offer a deep opportunity for healing old beliefs and conditions that don’t serve us anymore.
Healing relationships often reflect to us our past unconscious patterns and conditions. The work here is the willingness to allow our loved one to disturb the illusion of love. There will be GREAT resistance to this because when our unconscious patterns are being mirrored by our loved one, it feels like shit! It’s painful. It can be like extracting a bullet from the body.
After the honeymoon ends, we will have the opportunity to really get to know what is working for us and what needs attention and healing. The light of the consciousness in our relationship will start to crack open the shadows of the past by showing us what needs forgiveness. Often there can be a lot of blame and accusation because the old patterns being mirrored in our loved one trick us into believing that the other is the cause of our pain. Usually at this point, relationships are very strained and are at risk of separation.
The key is to be willing and to commit to the healing that is taking place. If the other is not willing or is ambivalent about healing you can still do your own work by not pointing the finger at the other and look at what is coming up in you. It is not a bad thing that it is painful. Discomfort is the first step in recovery. It’s the old patterns that your loved one is showing you that is causing the pain, the shadows of your past. You start to self-inquire and question your own patterns. You can decide that you don’t want the old ways anymore.
Deep healing relationships are often turbulent at times. A clearing can happen, then more turbulence. This may go on indefinitely! Could this be True Love? This requires a tonne of willingness and forgiveness. The result of the hard work is a deep sense of connection, joy and collaboration. It doesn’t mean that you need to stay in a relationship that is destructive to learn your lessons. It means that you stay with the willingness to be compassionate, gentle, loving and to forgive.
A Course in Miracles is a very good resource for healing. The lessons offer us practical tools to apply forgiveness.
You may also like this blog called Your Triggers are your Greatest Teachers
Good luck!
